What Jayne Wants
by Serenity Valley Girl
Summary: Yes, this is a new chapter! The story continues by popular demand. A Rayne story with a lot of humor and a little angst thrown in for flavor.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All hail Joss!

A/N: I labeled this chapter 1 because I have this story all set out and ready to write but I need to know if anyone is interested in my continuing it. If not it works as a one shot except for the first line, so ignore that if I end up leaving this as is. I've had huge writers block and am in the middle of finals but I'm trying to get back into writing. So please let me know if you atre interested in the rest of this one. I also have a story in mind that is set up around Jayne and River trading books (trust me it works), anyone interested in that one? Reviews are love people and who really gets enough of that?

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Chapter 1

The decision to leave had been coming for months.

His mouth kept saying no but his mind and his body spouted a continuous series of yeses.

River was confused. She had realized that she desired Jayne and after studying the available material on the cortex and the abundant information provided by Inara she made her move. She had always found him attractive but recently she had begun to see him differently. And there was something in the way he looked at her that had made her conclude that their present relationship was no longer satisfactory.

It had seemed simple that for a man such as Jayne the appropriate course of action was to be direct. Of all the members of the Serenity family he was the most vocal about his desires and the one most at ease satisfying them without emotional attachment.

So it was something of a surprise for River when Jayne had reacted in such a mixed way to her arrival in his bunk. There had been no doubt as to his body's reaction to seeing her in the skimpy nightgown she had slipped out of Inara's trunk the last time they'd had tea. And even without her making any attempt to read him; Jayne's mind was fairly screaming his desire at her.

So when he put his hands on her arms and rather than embracing her had hauled her over to the ladder and forced her up and out without a word she had been stunned to say the least.

None of her other attempts had met with any more success. And so River had been forced to reexamine the variables of her equation and had concluded that obviously there was more to Jayne than she had previously realized.

In an attempt to gather additional data she took to spending time with Jayne. Not trying to seduce him just observing him. While he cleaned his guns she would read or draw. When he lifted weights she would spot him and after a while he began to spot her as well.

After several months River realized that although she was no closer to finding the missing variable that would allow her to sex Jayne, an unintended but not unwelcome side effect had occurred. They had become friends.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: By popular demand the story continues. I should have the next chapter up in a day or two. And I'd like to just address the requests I've had for longer chapters. Sorry folks, they end when they want to and I've never been able to write long anything. Even my assignments for school have always been shorter than the teachers wanted. And now on with the show.

Chapter 2

The variables just were not adding up.

River kept running the equation but it just would not compute the way she wanted it to. It was like the ice planet, problematic in the extreme.

That was another equation but one that did seem to add up; Jayne equals ice planet. Neither one functioned the way she thought they would.

Of course the other similarity between the ice planet and Jayne was that as much as she wanted to lick the one she wanted to lick the other. And just as that gorram ice planet kept swinging away from her on its string tormenting her with its nearness and her inability to master the simple dessert so too Jayne continued to swing away from her. Every time she thought she was making progress he would move away from her.

The most annoying thing was that the more they danced this dance of two steps forward three steps back the more she wanted him.

And he wanted her. That was the most puzzling part of the whole equation. Jayne was not a man who held back when he wanted something. That was one side of the equation of her attraction to him she'd realized. Unlike most people in the 'verse Jayne Cobb was not a man of contradictions. When he was hungry he ate, when he was tired he slept, and when he wanted a women and she was willing he took her.

The other side of the equation of her attraction was his intelligence. Jayne Cobb was not a stupid man. He was uneducated according to the standards Simon and River had grown up with and maybe even the standards Kaylee had grown up with but he was not stupid. Far from it, he had chosen to specialize his knowledge in certain areas, particularly weapons and tracking. And when he decided he wanted to learn something he was perfectly capable of mastering it.

And so River had a problem. Her attraction to Jayne made sense to her. It was Jayne that was unbalancing the equation. He refused to act in such a way that would allow her seduction would to succeed. It had honestly never occurred to her when she had begun to pursue Jayne that he would have continued to refuse her beyond the first few attempts. But for some reason the man continued to refuse to complete the equation.

It seemed obvious to River that she had missed a variable along the way, some reason why Jayne continued to refuse her advances. Her endeavors had ranged from simply sneaking up behind Jayne while he was washing dishes and jumping him to a very creative effort involving whipped cream and strawberries. Nothing worked long enough for her to achieve her goal. He would give respond for a moment and then, just as she thought she was going to get her way at last, he would move away.

* * *

It was the gift that finally pushed her over the edge. 

A small thing, it was only a charm bracelet, and coming from any other member of the crew it would have been cause for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was by no means expensive or made of fine materials. No, that wasn't why River's heart had skipped a beat when she opened the small box.

It was because she had finally found the missing variable. She felt she could be forgiven for not having found it. After all, who would have ever thought to look for the missing piece to the equation on a charm bracelet?

Admittedly, it wasn't just any charm bracelet. There are plenty of charm bracelets with ballet slippers hanging off the links but how many bracelets do you see with ballet slipper and a variety of miniature guns?

And it wasn't for a special occasion. Her birthday had come and gone months ago. There had been a cake and gifts but none had been as thoughtful as this one.

When she had looked at him with a question in her eyes he'd shrugged his shoulders and said it had reminded him of her.

That was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

As Jayne had turned to leave the mess River had launched herself at Jayne.

And then she had done the one thing she had never done in all her seduction attempts.

She kissed him.

River Anne Tam kissed Jayne Michael Cobb on the lips.

In all her planning and scheming she had never thought about kissing him as an introductory maneuver because he had made it so clear in the past that he did not kiss on the mouth. It had seemed reasonable that her kissing him would cause him to panic and that would not be conducive to sex.

But his unexpectedly thoughtful gift had caused her organized and well thought out equations to fly out of her mind.

Jayne had caught her in his arms by instinct and when she had leaned against his chest put her hands on his shoulders and jumped up to his him his response had once again been an instinctual one-he had kissed her back.

At first they had just stood there with their lips pressed together. But suddenly he had taken charge and had opened his lips and run his tongue along the seam of hers asking for permission to enter and she granted it willingly.

It seemed to both of them that they had been standing in each other's arms for hours when the urge to breathe got overpowered their desire to cling together. Pulling apart they both struggled to catch their breath gazing into one another's eyes.

That was when the missing variable had popped into River's mind. It was so simple she could not believe she had not understood before. It was love. She was in love with Jayne. Yes, she desired him physically, oh Buddha, how she desired him. But it was more than that. She wanted more than to sex Jayne. She wanted a life with him.

So when he pushed her away and left the mess without a word she knew what she had to do. There was only one way for the equation to end the way she desired.

She had to leave.

She had to leave Serenity.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

A/N: It occurs to me I never set a time for this story so FYI we're about 6 months post BDM. Also, Wash and Book are alive. This is for 2 reasons. 1 I had a particular use in mind for Wash and 2 it's my story and I want them that way. :)

  
Chapter 3

Leaving Serenity had not been an easy or a swift process.

The most difficult decision had been where to go. Once that choice had been made the rest came easily.

River refused to run off like a small child who was denied a treat and ran away from home for some perceived injustice, there would be a plan. One of the main things she needed to do was to find a pilot for Serenity. She would not leave her family or Serenity with no one to fly her. Wash was healing but he still did not have the stamina to be the primary pilot. Also, she would have a place to go and a job waiting for her.

And she would say goodbye.

Not in person, she knew that if the rest of the crew was aware of her impending departure they would find a way to keep her there even if they had to lock her in her bunk every time Serenity was dirtside. No, she could not say her farewells in person but she could leave notes.

She took her time writing the notes.

She knew that to leave was the only way she and Jayne would find their way together. She could not have explained the logic in this but she knew it to be true. Just as she knew she loved Jayne she also knew she had to leave him. He had to come to terms with his feelings and he did have them; she had felt it when they kissed.

She had felt his desire for her and his fear of giving into to it. But that was not what had forced her to the realization that she had to leave.

It was the image she had gotten from Jayne after they had kissed. She tried not to read the crew. It was an invasion of privacy for them and uncomfortable for her as well. For the most part she was able to block out the thoughts of others unless they were particularly strong or loud. She often got a sense of the emotion a person felt; however, no longer did a person's inner monologue interrupt her own. But as they had stood staring into each other's eyes she had seen Jayne's thoughts with a clarity that had taken her breath away.

It was a child. A little girl, she looked almost exactly as River had as a small child, except for her eyes which were the brilliant blue all the Cobb children were blessed with.

Maybe Jayne had seen the knowledge in her eyes and that was why he had pushed her away. But River realized she had to leave Jayne. If she was there he would fight against his feelings until there was no way to forge a relationship through the destruction his internal battle would cause.

* * *

A few weeks later Serenity landed at Persephone. Everyone was going out. They had experienced a run of good luck for a change and they were looking forward to spending their hard earned coin. Kaylee and Simon were going to have dinner in a real restaurant

Wash and Zoe had found an inexpensive hotel with bathtubs in all the rooms, Mal and Inara were going to get supplies and then come back to the ship and relieving the watch from Jayne who was then going to his favorite whorehouse.

River waited until everyone who was leaving the ship had gathered in the cargo bay discussing their plans and Jayne was on the bridge watching a movie on the cortex. She picked up the small pile of notes she had labored over and walked slowly from bunk to bunk leaving the notes on the appropriate pillows.

She stood in the engine room for a long time saying goodbye to Serenity; explain why she could not stay and promising to return when the time was right.

When River left the ship no one thought twice about it. It had been six months since Miranda and she had been going out on her own for most of that time. They did not notice the bag in her hand or the tears in her eyes.

She walked slowly away from the only place she had ever called home, not sure when she would see any of her family again. Pausing at the end of the dock, she turned around and stared at Serenity rerunning the equation yet again hoping there was another way. Finally, she sighed. There was no other way if she wanted a future with Jayne. If she was willing to give that up she could turn around and go back to Serenity and no one would be the wiser. But she was not willing to give him up.

And so she turned once again and shifting her bag to her other hand she moved off into the crowd.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not mine and I have no money so please don't sue.

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! It makes me happy and a happy me writes faster. That said, this is the chapter when we get some angst. Sorry. I promise by the end I'll have fixed everything and all will be shiny. But come along for the ride while I get us there!

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Chapter 4

No one noticed River was gone until the next morning.

Zoe, Wash, Kaylee and Simon had not slept on the ship. Inara and Mal had fallen asleep on the bridge with Inara in Mal's lap. And Jayne had only made it to the mess before he gave up and decided to sleep on the couch. Therefore, no one found the notes River had left for them until the next morning. And by that point she was long gone.

Jayne had had a rough night. Usually when he went to this particular place he found a whore he liked before he finished his first drink. But on this night he had shaken his head as whore after whore had walked up to his table with a wink and a suggestive question on their lips. It wasn't as if he had somehow stumbled in to a bar specializing in ugly whores neither. It was just that none of them were quite what he wanted just then. None of them were…River. So he had sat there drinking until the coin he'd given to the barkeeper had run out and then staggered back to Serenity.

Jayne awoke in the mess to the smell of coffee and a headache the size of Mount Rushmore. He'd heaved himself to his feet and stumbled to his bunk determined to get a shower and swallow some pain killers he'd squirreled away in his room after the last time he'd been shot and hopefully sleep off the hangover before Mal found something for him to do.

And so it was the note River had left for Jayne which was discovered first. Jayne had collapsed on his bunk when he felt the paper under his cheek. He went to toss it to the side when he glanced at it, and saw in the dim light, River's handwriting.

Groaning he reached up and switched on the light. Tearing open the envelope he slowly and laboriously began to read.

"Dear Jayne,

By the time you read this I will be gone. Please do not be angry with me for leaving, I can see no other course. I have struggled with our equation and believe I have finally discovered the answer.

We are inevitable. From the moment we met until now there was no way to avoid two becoming one. You may fight it as long and as hard as you like. All you will do is postpone the inescapable and risk injury to your own heart.

In order for the equation to come out equal in the end I must leave Serenity. If I am right then the time will come when I will return and all things will be in their proper places.

I am sorry it took me so long to find the missing variable.

I love you.

River"

Jayne sat on his bunk stunned.

He had known that River wanted him to sex her. Hell, he wasn't so stupid that he could have missed that. But he had thought if he waited it would run its course. Not that he didn't want her but something stopped him from accepting her overtures. And it was more than just the threat of imminent death from Mal and Simon that had given him pause. He had never been a man to refuse trim wherever and whenever he could find it but he just couldn't use River that way. He'd never figured out exactly why but you didn't stay alive as long as he had in his line of work if you ignored your instincts. And his instincts had repeatedly warned him away from River.

With a groan that would have sent a grizzly bear running for cover Jayne stood and climbed back out of his bunk.

Chances were this was just another of Crazy's weird attempts to get him in bed and he was gonna let her know in no uncertain terms that he was not in the mood.

Reaching River's room he knocked loudly and flinched at the noise.

"Hey Crazy, what'd I tell ya 'bout bein' in my bunk without askin'? Libel to get hurt."

When there was no answer he opened the door and poked his head in expecting to find River on her bed reading or curled up on the floor sketching. Instead he found an empty room.

There was nothing in the cabin to indicate that there had recently been a young woman in residence. Her drawings were off the walls and her clothes were off the floor. When Jayne began to open drawers he found them empty. It was only when he opened the closet that he found the one thing she had left behind.

It was a drawing he had never seen before. It was him and River and they were in each other's arms and looking at each other with…some emotion in both their eyes that Jayne was damn sure had never been in his eyes even if he couldn't put in to words just what that emotion was. Scrawled at the bottom were the words "the missing variable."

That was when he knew.

This was no game.

She was gone.

The howl that Jayne let out filled Serenity. It was filled with such pain and loss and anger that it brought tears to the eyes of everyone that heard it.

When Jayne stopped he stood up and walked back to his bunk brushing past Mal and Inara who had come running at the sound.

Trying not to hear their concerned questions he dropped into his bunk and sat down with his head in his hands.

She was really gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Still not mine. If they were I wouldn't be worried about paying for grad school.

A/N: Hello all. Sorry this one took so long. I had finals and them went home and worked retail for the week before Christmas. Ugh! Plus, I finished this chapter and was about to post it when I decided I was really un happy with it. So I had to wait until I had time to rewrite it. I hope it's ok. Also, I'm having some surgury on January 2nd and then start classes a week later so I may be late with the next chapter but I promise it's coming! I love this pairing too much to leave them hanging.

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It had been six months since River had left Serenity. For nearly a week the crew had searched for her. Simon had been nearly frantic with worry and Kaylee had cried herself to sleep. The notes River had left on everyone's pillows had explained that she needed to have her own life for a while, to prove to herself she was an adult.

Oddly enough it was Jayne who refused to give up the search. Sitting around the mess table they had discussed what to do. If they didn't leave they were going to lose the job they had from Badger. Even Simon had agreed that they would never find River if she didn't want to be found.

Jayne had sat silently through the discussion. Once it had become clear that everyone was agreeing to leave he'd stood up silently and walked out. He'd stopped in his bunk and then put the ramp down and walked out onto the docks. For two days he had not slept and eaten only enough to stay on his feet. He was a tracker, it was part of his job to find people who didn't want to be found and he was sure if he just kept looking he would be able to find her. He had to find her. He needed to find her.

But he hadn't. There had been no sign of her. No matter where he looked or who he spoke to he could find no trace of the girl.

Finally he had returned to Serenity.

They had left Persephone and life had gone on.

Except that it hadn't.

Besides the obvious of Wash having taken over all the flying again and no one rubbing soup in anyone's hair, Jayne had changed dramatically. He did his job, lifted his weights and cleaned his guns.

That was it.

He still ate with the crew but he no longer told dirty jokes or crude stories. Most of his time was spent in his bunk. No one knew what it was that had changed him but everyone could see the mercenary was in pain.

Even Mal had noticed something was wrong and generally speaking if Mal noticed something was wrong that meant something was _really_ wrong.

One night as the crew gathered to eat after Jayne had once again refused Kaylee's plea to come to dinner and Mal's order that he "get his pi gu outta his bunk," they found themselves discussing the changes in Serenity's hired muscle.

"He nearly got us killed today," said Mal with much less venom in his voice then one might have expected. Although you'd have to dope him to get him to admit it, he was worried about Jayne. Since Miranda he'd found a new level of trust for his Merc and Jayne's inattention today had been worrisome to say the least. Something had broken his hired muscle in a way he would have bet Jayne could not be broken.

"Does anyone have any idea what's going on with him?" asked Zoe with a note of genuine concern. "I've never seen Jayne act like on a job. It was like his mind was someplace else. It took a firefight breaking out to bring him back to the world."

"It's like a piece of him is missing. He's just not Jayne anymore." Kaylee's tearful comments prompted Simon to put his arm around her and pull her into a hug.

"I didn't want to mention this before but am I the only one who noticed that this change in our normally cheerful merc began when River disappeared?" Wash's question prompted nods from everyone.

"The only time he acts like himself is when we get post and there's something from River. For a day he's more Jayne-like and then nothing." Zoe's observation prompted further murmurs of agreement.

"And every time we have any time at all on Persephone he disappears and doesn't come back until we're ready to lift off. And it's not in his whoring shirt either."

"Actually," sighed Kaylee, "I found his whoring shirt in the scrap back about a month after River…"

"Well, I think it's safe to say whatever's wrong with Jayne has to do with my missing sister. I'm fairly certain he's spending his time on Persephone looking for River. Why, I don't know. Up until she left I would have bet he wanted her gone. He's clearly missing her as we all are. Oddly, he seems to be suffering the most. The question is what can we do about it?"

There was silence around the mess table as everyone pondered Simon's words. No one had any answers.

Things drifted along for another few weeks until one day Serenity' crew found themselves back on Persephone.

Mal, Zoe and Jayne went to drop in on Badger to 'discuss' a job they'd done that had gone bad. As usual they'd made it past Badger's hired goons with minimal trouble and burst into his office.

What they'd found had them all standing frozen just inside the doorway.

Jayne saw a flowing head of brown hair running out of the back door. It took a moment for him to absorb what he had seen.

Then without a word he took off after the girl.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Still not mine, gorramit!

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this up. For the record, let me tell you that what the doctor says about the recovery from sinus surgery and what the recovery is actually like are two very very different things. In this chapter we begin to see a light at the end of the angst tunnel. But we're not there quite yet. :)

If you're reading this I assume you are a Rayne-shipper. If this be the case, you should know the Best of Rayne awards are happening again. Let me know if you want info. You can nominate now. And if someone wanted to nominate one of my little stories I wouldn't say no. ;)

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Jayne chased after the girl for close to an hour before he caught up with her. It was a good thing it was him following her since she would have lost anyone else long ago but his reputation as a tracker had been well earned.

He'd stayed far enough back that she'd not been sure if he was still there or not. It was hard for her to get a fix on anyone person in a crowd as large as the one she had been walking through.

Finally, River paused to catch her breath and get her bearings.

That was all the break Jayne needed. Without a word he reached out and grabbed River, swinging her up and over his shoulder, he turned and walked out of the square.

Jayne walked at a brisk pace back to Serenity ignoring River's attempts to force him to release her.

Simon and Kaylee were standing outside the ship on the docks when Jayne walked by. Both had been speechless with surprise and had turned and followed Jayne into the cargo bay and up the stairs. He'd held River over his shoulder not saying a word until everyone had gathered in the mess after Mal and Zoe had returned. Putting her down on the couch he turned and walked out. In the silence the crew could hear the thud of his bunk being kicked open and then closed and locked.

And then the silence was broken as everyone rushed towards River with lips waiting to question and arms wanting to hug.

Taking a breath to steady herself against the sudden influx of strong emotion, River responded to the joy evident on her family's faces at seeing her again.

After the questions and hugs had subsided she began to answer them, her happiness at being reunited with her adopted family was clear as she smiled at them.

As stories of the past six months were exchanged it was revealed that there had been one member of the crew who had known where River had been.

"_Wash?!_"

"You knew where she was? Why didn't you tell us so we could go get her?" asked an astonished Simon.

"Asked him not to tell unless he had to, needed to be gone for a while and someone had to be able to call me back if there was trouble. I knew Wash would understand and keep the secret unless it was an emergency or Zoe asked directly. I gave him permission to tell her if she asked."

"Alright, Sweetie, I think we get that part but where have you been all this time?" asked Kaylee.

"I needed a job ready before I left Serenity. So I went to someone I knew and asked for one. I did not wish to perform tasks that might bring me to the attention of the Alliance so I mostly did bookkeeping and listened to conversations to find the best angle for my employer to take."

"But who were you working for Little Witch?" Mal's tone betrayed his impatience with her avoidance of that particular question.

Taking a deep breath she said, "Badger."

"WHAT?!" The response was collective and loud as the five crew members gasped at her answer.

"He liked me and I was able to send a few extra well paying jobs to Serenity that would have gone elsewhere."

After all the furor over River's working arrangements and abrupt return had died down River explained she was tired and said goodnight to her family. After several rounds of hugs from everyone and several tears from Kaylee she was able to escape after promising to tell the whole story of the last six months I the morning.

As River began to leave the mess Mal pulled her to the side and spoke quietly to her.

"Now I don't know what was goin' on with you and Jayne before you left. As a matter of fact, as your adopted father I'm pretty gorram sure I don't want to know. But when you left something broke in my merc and I'm thinking it had something to do with your sudden departure from our happy home. I've seen that look before, seen it in the mirror as a matter of fact. It's the look of a man who has lost something he pinned his faith on and now has no idea where to turn or what to believe in. I was lucky. I found this boat and this crew and I was able to find something new to believe in. Now, as long as I've known him Jayne has only believed in himself. But I know that look he's been wearing and it only appeared after you left. So I'm telling you as your captain and asking as your adopted father and Jayne's friend, do whatever you can to fix what you broke.

Stunned, River walked towards the crew quarters. It had never occurred to her that she could break Jayne. She had left to protect her own heart while the equation balanced itself out. Now she realized her actions might have inadvertently thrown it further out of balance.

River climbed slowly down into Jayne's bunk, unsure of what she would find.

Jayne was sitting on his bunk with his face in his hands.

He didn't move although she knew he was aware of her presence.

Finally, without taking his hands from his face, Jayne spoke.

"How could you?" The pain in his voice was so strong and clear it brought tears to her eyes. Reaching up to cup his cheek she whispered, "I didn't know what else to do…I'm sorry."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Alas, still not mine.

A/N: Last angsty chapter, next one we get to the happier stuff. :) Please leave reviews. They're like speed for my muse. ;)

* * *

After standing with her hand cupping Jayne's face for what felt like an eternity, River moved away from him and glanced around his bunk.

What she found shocked her and brought home to her that perhaps her brilliant plan had had unforeseen consequences. It seemed that she had further unbalanced the equation.

Jayne's bunk was spotless. Gone were the piles of porn and the posters of improbably proportioned women. The piles of clothes were off the floor and the grime was gone from the surfaces.

It was as if a different person was living there from the one she had left.

And when she looked into his haunted eyes she saw the truth in Mal's words and it felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart.

She had doubted the veracity of his claim; after all, Captain Daddy did have a tendency to exaggerate. But now she thought he was right.

In her attempt to protect herself and balance the equation she had broken Jayne.

She stood there searching desperately for the words that would fix him. But nothing came. For the first time in her life since she had learned to speak, River had no words. Every phrase that formed in her mind she immediately discarded. What were words in the face of the pain etched on Jayne's face?

Finally, the tears that had been threatening to fall were released from her eyes. Still silent she moved back towards him dropping to her knees in front of the man she loved.

For an eternity they both remained motionless, each wrapped up in their pain. Then one of her tears fell onto his knee.

Like a man waking from a long and terrible nightmare, he slowly raised his head. When he saw River before him it was as if he had been walking through a desert and saw an oasis but was uncertain if it was really there or only a mirage.

His voice was haggard as if from lack of use, "are you really here this time? Did I really find ya or am I dreamin' and when I wake up you'll be gone again like all the other gorram times?"

"No my Jayne, you are awake, I am here and I am real. You have found me."

With a groan, he swept her into his arms and buried his face in her neck.

"I…I didn't know what to do. I looked and looked but I couldn't find you. Every time we were on Persephone I searched. Ta ma de. I'm a gorram tracker. It's what I do. In my whole gorram life I've never not found what I was lookin' for until you were gone."

River sat there on Jayne's lap and let his emotions run over her. Mal had been right, Jayne had lost his belief when he had found her gone and then been unable to find her. She felt his self-doubt over being unable to track her down and his questioning whether he deserved her in the first place and his uncertainty over whether she would stay and what he would do if she left again.

Finally, she stood up. Instinctively, his arms tightened around her refusing to let her go. Standing in the circle of his arms she pushed on his chest until he laid down swinging his legs onto the bed she joined him on the bunk and curled up next to him with her head nestled on his chest.

Putting his arms back around her and pulling her closer to him, Jayne closed his eyes.

After a few moments the loosening of his arms and the evening out of his breathing told of sleep.

Needing to think, River began to pull away from him to sit up.

The sound that came from Jayne was a cross between a whimper and a moan as his arms tightened around her.

"Please, please River. Come back." The agony in his voice made her eyes begin to tear again.

Relaxing into his arms she whispered in his ear, "I'm here bao bei, I'm here."

The sound of her voice seemed to provide the comfort he needed because his breathing lengthened out and his arms relaxed again.

Lying there River pondered her next course of action. Her heart was breaking over the pain Jayne was obviously in. And the fact that it was her actions that had caused his anguish made her pain that much worse. She knew she would never leave Jayne again. As long as there was breath in her body she would belong to him and he would belong to her.

But how could she prove it to him? What words could she use that would possibly be enough to assuage the hurt her actions had caused?

As the night passed River came up with and discarded plan after plan. Finally, she began to drift off and found herself in a dream that was not her own. She began to pull her mind away from it and reassert the mental barriers she had built to keep unwanted thoughts out of her mind when she saw something that grabbed her attention.

When the dream was over she opened her eyes and smiled. Now she knew what to do.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Wow, has it really been that long since I updated this story? I was really stuck on this part. Mostly because it required alot of exposition and I wasn't quite sure how to explain everything and still have it be interesting.

The thank you's: first, let me say thank you to my 2 betas Adverbia and gilove2dance. Without their input this would be much less readable. Second, thanks to all that have tuned bac in for this new chapter. I promise not to leave you hanging so long for the next one.

Jayne stretched and rolled onto his back. He didn't want to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes the dream would disappear and River would be gone again. If someone had told him a year ago that the loss of the Moonbrain would have been cause for anything but celebration he would have laughed in their face. But somehow she'd gotten under his skin. He'd lost something on that day she'd disappeared on Persephone and he knew it. How many gorram times had he woken from the dream that he'd found her? Jayne had long since lost track; but as long as he stayed half asleep with his eyes closed, he could pretend it had been real.

The six months she'd been gone had been hell. He had spent every spare minute they'd been on Persephone looking for her. He couldn't get his head around why she'd left. For sometime before her departure, she'd been chasing after him and he'd been dodging her. It might have seemed out of character for him but it really wasn't. He lived his life according to a very specific set of rules that were unique to his home world.

The sudden crash startled Jayne out of his half-sleeping reflection. Shooting out of his bunk while simultaneously reaching for Suzy who he'd left on his nightstand, he was stunned to see River bending over, collecting items from the floor and depositing them in a box she was holding. He was even more startled to hear her letting loose a string of curses that came gorram close to making him blush. There were a couple he stored away in his mind for future use; it wasn't often he came across new curses these days.

"River?...What's?..." Jayne wasn't sure if was more stunned to find that River seemed to really be there or that she seemed to be moving things into his bunk.

Sitting back down on his bed, Jayne shook his head and then rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. As the sleep induced fog began to clear from his brain he noticed the changes that had taken place in his space while he was asleep.

His bunk had changed during the time River was gone; it had been cleaned to within an inch of its life and had lost its trappings of porn and dirty clothes. Subtraction had been the order of the day. The old Jayne had been disappearing and no one had appeared to take his place. He had become a blank.

But now where things had been subtracted they had been added. Jayne recognized posters that had been hanging in River's room as well as several knick-knacks that seemed to have taken up residence on his work table. And then there were the couple of boxes sitting on the floor overflowing with clothes and other girly-type things.

"River?" Jayne was still half asleep and was desperately trying to process what was going on around him.

"You're really here?" questioned Jayne in a tone that was both hopeful and doubtful.

"Yes, my Jayne. I am so very sorry for leaving, I saw no other way. But you have brought me home and here I will stay for as long as you wish." River smiled at Jayne trying to convey how much she had missed him.

The look in his eyes was a mix of absolute joy at her words and a measure of disbelief that she meant them. And as River gazed into the deep blue of his eyes she became even more convinced that the course of action she had gleaned from his dream the previous night was the correct one.

"So…you movin' in here? 'Magine your brother and Mal will have somethin' to say about that and it'll probably involve me in the airlock."

"I have already discussed my sleeping arrangements with Simon and Mal. By doing it so close to my return, they were willing to acquiesce to anything to keep me here and happy."

In truth, her moving in with Jayne had been just one of several topics of conversation between herself, Simon and Mal that morning.

"So, yes, I am moving in unless you do not wish me to…"

"No! I mean that sounds like it might be alright." There was a considerable pause as Jayne tried to put his feelings into words. "Seems to me we have something's we need ta work on. Might as well do it in the same bunk."

At this the pair smiled at each other and began to unpack River's belongings.

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At breakfast that morning, the talk turned to the crew's next job. Mal announced it was a relatively low risk transport job with a pick-up on Persephone and delivery on Pallas.

Jayne swallowed his mouthful of protein mush and asked how long they were going to be planetside.

"Not sure, depends on what kind of crime we can get our hands on Jayne. Why?"

"'t's my homeworld. Just hopin' I might have a chance ta see my Ma and the rest of the clan."

"You're from Pallas?" asked Inara, with a stunned look on her face.

"Yup, born and raised. My family on my Ma's side was some of the original settlers. Lookin' for a place where they could practice something a bit different than what everyone else was doin'."

With that comment Jayne stood up from the table and left, commenting that he was going to take care of moving the cargo.

"Well," said Inara, with a look somewhere between stunned and enlightened on her face, "that one fact explains more about Jayne than everything else I know about him put together."

"Yeah, it all makes perfect sense now, right Lamby-Toes?" Wash's tone and confused look made it clear that he had no idea what Inara was talking about.

"Clear as mud, husband," responded Zoe. Turning towards Inara, she raised her eyebrow, obviously asking for an explanation.

"Why does the fact that he's from Pallas explain so much about my merc?" asked Mal in his best I'm-the-captain-why-don't-I know-what'- happenin'-on-my-boat voice.

"It explains everything; Jayne's attitude towards whores, his buying that charm bracelet for River, his reaction when she disappeared, everything!"

Looking around the table at the puzzled faces Inara sighed. "Obviously, none of you have any idea what I'm talking about."

"I've heard of Pallas," said Simon, "I know it's something of a matriarchal culture but that's not unheard of and I don't understand why that clarifies Jayne's behavior."

"Yes, Pallas is a matriarchal culture but it is different from most of the other woman-centered cultures in the 'verse. It was settled by a group from Earth-that-was to be a haven for a particular type of Goddess worshipers. According to the historical records I have seen, the founders were graduates of a higher education facility. It was a school for women only and its graduates prided themselves on being independent, hardworking and intelligent. The patron Goddess of the school was Pallas Athena, hence the name of the planet.

"It's a world where women are treated with the utmost respect and the concept of sexuality is dealt with frankly. Jayne would have grown up with the idea that a woman who made the choice to be a whore should be accorded the same respect as one who decided to be a teacher or a mechanic. It also explains his reaction to River's sudden departure from Serenity, said Inara pausing to organize her thoughts."

"How?" asked Mal in an interested tone.

"On Pallas, women control the pace of a relationship. River had indicated her interest and when Jayne decided he was willing to become involved with her, he bought her a courting gift. Jayne thought long and hard before he gave her that bracelet. The courting gift is a complex symbol but the important thing at the moment is that her acceptance of it was also an acceptance of his intentions. When she disappeared so abruptly Jayne wasn't sure what to do. He needed to find her not only for the rest of us but so he could figure out what she wanted and where he'd gone wrong. That's why he's been acting so strangely, for him to give a courting gift was his statement that he was ready to settle down. And when she disappeared, he continued to prepare for that but without knowing if she would ever come back."

"And now she _has_ come back and is trying to fix what she broke," said Simon in a tone of wonder. "He really does love her doesn't he?"

The nods, smiles, and full out grin from Kaylee confirmed to Simon that he was right. His little sister had found love. After a moment, he began to smile too.

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Meanwhile, in the cargo bay, Jayne was finished moving the cargo and securing it for the journey to Pallas. He was careful to not only stow the cargo in out of the way places but to also balance it so the ship responded better to the pilot. It took a bit longer but Wash had told him more than once how much easier it made take-offs and landings when the ship was as evenly balanced as possible.

He glanced up and saw River sitting on the catwalk watching him with a small contented smile.

Climbing the stairs, he took a seat next to her and returned her smile.

"What ya smilin' at Crazy?"

"I am watching a big, strong, sweaty man perform manual labor and enjoying the exhibition of his musculature."

"So if I got that right, you was sitting here, watching me work and ogling my fine toned body," Jayne's grin was huge as he looked down at River.

"So…I know we got a lot to work on but when we get ta Pallas…"

River looked into his eyes. "You wish to know whether I am willing to observe the traditions of your homeworld as pertains to courting couples."

There was silence for a moment as they looked into each other's eyes.

"I would be pleased to comply with the traditions of your home."

With a smile bright enough to light the cargo bay, Jayne leaned over, and for the first time since River had left Serenity and only the second time ever, their lips met.

It was a moment of completion for them both. River felt as if she had finally come home and Jayne felt as if he could stop searching for that unknown he had been chasing all his life because it was now in his arms.

When the couple finally pulled apart at the call to lunch, River said, "Do not worry my Jayne. Pallas is the key to the future and we are on the correct course to meet our destiny."

Jayne looked at her questioningly but River merely smiled gave his arm a pull towards the mess.


End file.
